I haven’t written in a hot minute. Mainly, because the school that I’ve been stealing my Wi-Fi from for over two years finally got a new firewall system that doesn’t play around. Gone are the days of browsing Pinterest, and all my favorite blogs. And gone are the nights of writing my deepest darkest secrets here for you fine folks to read. That’s right, they blocked my blog. I’m left to do the unthinkable: Pay for Internet like a normal person.
Losing my bootleg Internet access was a tiny loss of control. However, in that loss, there was a small nugget of peace and quiet – no social media, or blogs, or websites to occupy my time and thoughts at home. And that got me to thinking – If surrendering control over something that small gave me peace (whether I welcomed that peace or not), what else could I surrender and how?
I’ve always taken pride in being goal-oriented, success driven, and one who’s constantly keeping tabs on my career, money, my house(s), clothing, and developing a strategy for how to run every aspect of my life like a well-oiled machine. I obsess over these things.
But what if I didn’t?
What if I… (gulp)… surrendered?
What if I let go of it all – the obsessing, the constant planning, the competing, the responsibility? And, what if I surrendered those things to a higher power, trusting that God would work things out using his strength, not my puny muscles?
What if I let go?
Sounds so scary to us control freaks, doesn’t it?
I started wondering why surrendering was so scary to me. What was I afraid of?
And I realized it was the same fear I experienced after losing the bootleg Internet – if I didn’t have those things to obsess over, attempt to control and to occupy space in my mind, then what would be left?
And there’s the answer.
Only two things remain in that space where all of the random luggage was hanging around – Me and God. And maybe I’m afraid to be alone with Him. Maybe I’m afraid of what developing the relationship means.
But maybe, just maybe, it’s time that I found out what being alone with God can do.
Maybe it’s time I worked on bettering my spirituality. Maybe it’s time my spirituality worked on bettering me.
What junk is keeping you from moving forward? What baggage are you carrying out the door day in and day out? Better yet, what remains when the baggage is gone, and are you ready to be alone with whatever it is?