Dancing in Dreams and Reality

waltzWomen11

 

Can we talk about Scandal? I’m a late joiner to this party, but OMG this show is ridiculous! Olivia Pope is fabulous and I love her. The plot gets thicker and thicker every week and I kind of secretly want her to be with the President. I also kind of wish this show were on a cable network so that we could get a little more raunchy. Scandalous! Thus the name. Anyone else hooked on this one?

Since giving up cable, it’s the first show I’ve found that I deem worth my attention. And, I seriously will hold my bladder until the next commercial so that I don’t miss a second. It’s that good.

Ok, enough about Liv.

Life lately has been insanely good. Almost too good to be true. I keep waiting for the anvil to fall.
Although, I’m starting to think there’s not one. Could that be possible? Could I finally have arrived at life’s gooey center?

I knew something was up when my dreams started changing. I used to dream about work (a lot), money, my health (teeth falling out… WTF?), failed relationships, being hit by a truck (It had Playboy bunny mudflaps), etc.

You wanna know what I dreamt about last night?

High School. And, not that I was my former high school self. No, I was me, as I am now, back in homeroom on the first day of what seemed to be my junior or senior year. And everyone else was exactly as they were back then.

I remember looking around the room, listening to conversations, and realizing that I didn’t care about any of it. And feeling amazing about that.

The night before that I was dancing in my dreams. At some fancy event. In a fancy dress. And, I had some pretty legit moves. I could waltz, which was pretty cool.

You can’t beat either of those with a stick! And those are CRAZY GOOD dreams compared to the things I used to dream about. Now, if only I could find a way to bring back those “flying” dreams I used to have as a kid… Those were the BEST.

No, but something’s changed. I’ve managed to let go of stress I never thought I could get rid of – Stress that made me feel heavy and tired all the time.

I spent today trying to figure out what I’ve done or haven’t done to make this come about. And, after a house margarita at a hole in the wall restaurant, I’ve figured it out.

I just stopped caring.

Not in a bad way, like I’m so jaded, I no longer try. No, in a way that is freeing and uplifting. We all stress about stupid things that seem to be the most important things in the world at the time. Late payments, running late or missing events, pleasing others/not being the person that everyone wants and expects you to be, an extra five pounds, running into someone you know in public without your makeup on, and while wearing pajamas with snowmen on them… in May. You get my drift.

I finally realized that none of that matters. I finally realized that giving 100% to people and things is really all I have to give, and those that expect more can go squeeze blood out of a turnip elsewhere.

I basically stopped fighting for air and learned to swim.

I finally committed to spending time with myself and my family and enjoying the things that I KNOW are more important. And I realized that money will always cause stress, no matter how much or little you have. I also realized that looking at what others have and do makes it really hard to focus on the things you need rather than “want”.

The result is me being in the moment and making every single moment one to either enjoy or learn from…

and the dreams are a fun side effect.

 

 

tamihallman

Thoughts? I'd love to hear them!