Let me preface this one by saying that I know I’m damn good at what I do for a living. I’m better than the majority of the people in my field. I rock, and I know this. I don’t need a pep talk. I just need a nap.
August and September have possibly been the hardest months of my career. I’m used to working with clients who love me and appreciate all that I give up to help them achieve their goals. And I’ve been extremely fortunate to have been able to work with some extremely pleasant people. People who “get” me and everything that I stand for.
I guess I was due a difficult stretch. After all, you can’t always get the pink and red Starbursts. Every now and then, you’ve got to stomach a yellow or an orange.
I blame August and September for any new grays on my head. And I’m not going to lie, I’ve been spoken to in the last 2 months in a way that I don’t wish upon anyone. I’m from the South, where you speak politely to everyone, and, IF there is an issue, you brush it under the rug, or make fun of their clothes behind their back, or just give them a “God Bless” and call it day.
What you DON’T do is talk down to others. No one deserves to be spoken down to. We are all trying to get by the best way we know how. We’re surviving day to day like everyone else.
I’ve never made my career about the money. I always told myself that if I did the right thing and acted selflessly, I would be rewarded. I’m not so sure that’s true anymore. Not to be a downer… cause it’s late on a weeknight and no one needs a depressing manifesto before bed, but, I’m starting to think that putting yourself first may not be completely wrong. ESPECIALLY if you are protecting yourself.
And I’m realizing that no one is going to look out for me… no matter how much I may look out for them. Perhaps favors aren’t returned these days. I’m not sure if they ever were (I feel like the 1950’s had a period of returned favors, but I don’t think it lasted very long).
What I’m trying to say is that working to make others happy is what people-pleasers do. And it’s what I’ve done up until now. There comes a point, when you have to wake up and realize that life is not about pleasing others. This goes for work, school, family, friends, clothes, cars, you name it. Stop pleasing people and just be you. Walk away from those who make it hard to stomach a conversation. Walk away from those who cause you to see yourself in a negative light, whether they mean to or not. Sometimes the people we love the most bring out the worst in us, because we rely too much on what they think. Be the strongest version of You.
I find myself justifying my answers a lot. Elaborating when I don’t need to. It’s that damn people-pleaser in me! The same people-pleaser that wasted so much energy these last 2 months on clients that had no interest whatsoever in whether or not I wanted to help them and, actually, regarded my “help” as frivolous and unworthy of compensation.
2 months gone – Wrapped up in so much stress that I hardly recognized myself. I feel sorry for those who have had to be around me this summer. It hasn’t been a fun one – I owe you all freshly baked cookies and complimentary dance moves.
On Friday, the last of the above mentioned hard files closed. And, while I work to regain some control over my career and my life, I kind of feel like I just want to take a Very. Long. Nap. I want to turn off my phone (gasp!) and just breathe for a few minutes.
Is that ok?
I’m realizing this post seems a little all over the place. Can you tell that my poor, tiny brain needs to stop at the next Rest Area?
I also just realized that asking permission for a nap is seeking approval once again. Damnit!
Ok, screw the permission. I’m scheduling a nap. Wake me up for Halloween, ok?